Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
