please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
