I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
