Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
