I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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