I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
