Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
