I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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