I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
