Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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