somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
