Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
