also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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