its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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