talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
