There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
