I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
