so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
