Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
