i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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