Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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