if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
