so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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