you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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