Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
