He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
