dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
