So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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