just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
