Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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