I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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