please come you make the beer taste better
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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