I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
