Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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