I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
