yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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