i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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