you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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