so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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