Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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