I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
