ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
