Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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