No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
