I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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