I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
