He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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