her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We had to coat check the pizza.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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