Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
