I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
