____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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