At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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