Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
