I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
