It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
