I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
