member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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