At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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