Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
