So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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