it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
my liver is dry heaving
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
