I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Randomize
